February 20th, 2006


A recipe for a video game movie or a great chili sauce

2lbs. ground beef. A movie star that is preferably beefy and tenderized. Their intelligence must be limited or else they would never take the role.

1 large onion chopped. This gives the actor the ability to appear sentimental. If onions aren’t available just remind them that their salary is tied to the profits of the film.

4 cloves garlic, peeled and minced - While essential to a good chili sauce, garlic is also the STENCH factor that will keep the audience away from the theater. If you are unsure of what I mean then just read any script written by Paul W.S. Anderson.

1/2 cup ketchup - Blood, blood and more BLOOD! Don’t make it appear too real or you may be in danger of losing your pg-13 rating.

1/4 cup barbecue sauce - BBQ sauce accounts for any alien, vampire, werewolf, plumber, zombie, or android blood/fluid that may be required.

1 tablespoon hot sauce - This represents the “hype factor”. This will include a carefully crafted movie trailer that shows just enough substance to give the appearance of a coherent film. It will also include a marketing campaign that targets those who think spam is a dietary staple.

2 tablespoons French’s yellow mustard. - Shake in some random French kissing with a love interest that will most likely die or be turned into a princess, demon, alien, or zombie.

Simmer for 90 minutes…..serve with a smile.

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